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About Varied / Professional Hassan Ahmed RajaMale/Pakistan Recent Activity
Deviant for 8 Months
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hassanahmedraja
Hassan Ahmed Raja
Artist | Professional | Varied
Pakistan
Human against inhumans.
Interests
Last night, I dreamt of cheating on my smoke-free life. I took a puff of cigarette with some close friends and felt very bad about it. I took another puff again to kill that bad feeling and I smoked the whole cigarette. I, then bought a whole pack of cigarettes to save those for friends. I had a terrible feeling that maybe I was getting back to the dark life. It was until the very next day I found out that I had smoked over 30 cigarettes the previous night and I woke up craving for more. I went into the deep state of denial and psychosis. I could see and feel the failure spinning around me; like a giant bloody monster trying to stab me. I knew I had to go through all of that again and I wasn't ready for it. I tried to stop myself but I bought another pack of cigarettes to get out of that state of denial.
What a nightmare it was!
I could still feel the guilt I felt even till the end of today.
  • Listening to: Future by Leonard Cohen

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Last night, I dreamt of cheating on my smoke-free life. I took a puff of cigarette with some close friends and felt very bad about it. I took another puff again to kill that bad feeling and I smoked the whole cigarette. I, then bought a whole pack of cigarettes to save those for friends. I had a terrible feeling that maybe I was getting back to the dark life. It was until the very next day I found out that I had smoked over 30 cigarettes the previous night and I woke up craving for more. I went into the deep state of denial and psychosis. I could see and feel the failure spinning around me; like a giant bloody monster trying to stab me. I knew I had to go through all of that again and I wasn't ready for it. I tried to stop myself but I bought another pack of cigarettes to get out of that state of denial.
What a nightmare it was!
I could still feel the guilt I felt even till the end of today.
  • Listening to: Future by Leonard Cohen

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